I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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