is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
