You smell like stripper and shame
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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