Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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