awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize