I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
