i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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