my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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