If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
