You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dicks are not precious.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
