I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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