ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
