New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize