tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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