Apparently you make a good broom.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
