Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
