I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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