soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
