I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
