i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Less talking, more tequila
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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