Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
