im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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