Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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