I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
