so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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