btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
