You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
