i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
