I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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