ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize