So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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