Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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