Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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