Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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