you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
