dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
