I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
