end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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