In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
