Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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