My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
