Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
