it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
