dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize