Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
