Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
