She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
