Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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