Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
