i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
