i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just invented taco cereal.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
