I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
