We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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