He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
