So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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