Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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