I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize