i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
