I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize