Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
