I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
