the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
