sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
