pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
