I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You can't special order awesome
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
