Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
