I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize