Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
