you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
