hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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