Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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