You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The beer is more important than you right now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will be naked everywhere
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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