I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize