1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
