If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
