omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
