A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
