When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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