It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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