she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
