It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize