I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
