Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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