yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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