My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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