i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
