You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
