i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
