dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
